


Roll of the Dice

by TheAwfulDodger



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crazy, Gen, Punching, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:37:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9465665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAwfulDodger/pseuds/TheAwfulDodger
Summary: Written for the prompt "Chance".Joker is sick of his Batsy having the first punch, so he tries to even the odds a little.





	

He had been lured to this alley, Bruce was sure of it. The Joker had led the way, skipping merrily sometimes, running at full speed at others. It had been a typical chase, nothing the Batman and the Joker hadn't done before. And Bruce guessed it would have a typical ending; he and the Joker would have a fistfight, he would knock the Joker out and drag his sorry carcass back to Arkham.

But it turned out to be a not-so-typical chase after all. The way the Joker had deliberately lured him to this particular part of the Narrows and had disappeared into this dingy alleyway set off alarmbells in his head. The clown seemed to have a plan for once, maybe this was an ambush? He decided against blindly following the Joker into the alley and scaled one of the adjacent buildings instead.

The madman’s singing never stopped. The entire time Batman was following the Joker, the clown had been singing and humming some annoying children’s song. Bruce was sure he knew it, but he couldn’t put his finger on it, no matter how familiar it seemed. Now, as he was balancing on a ledge on the side of the building and prepared to swing himself up to its roof, he recognised the song. That madman was singing the “Painting the roses red”-song from Alice in Wonderland…

A quick move and a safe landing later, Batman was on top of the building, shaking his head as the annoying, off-key singing continued. Had the Joker just stopped running? Peering over the side of the roof showed him that, indeed, the Joker had stopped in the alley below, and was tapping his shoes against the pavement in a not-quite to the beat rhythm. If every alarmbell hadn’t already gone off, they would go off now.

The Joker was… waiting… for Batman?

“Not pink, not green, not aquamarine, we’re painting the roses RED! Aw, come ON now, Batsy!” The Joker complained as he finished the song. He rubbed a hand over his forehead, seemingly not bothered at all when it came back stained in white greasepaint. Sticking both his hands deep into the pockets of his purple coat, the Joker looked up at the buildings around him, but Bruce was sure he couldn’t be seen from up here.

Question was, why would the Joker wait for him, why would the Joker let himself be caught in an alley with a dead end, with nowhere to go? What was the madman up to?! Bruce scowled as he mulled it over, frustrated beyond belief when he couldn’t come up with a good reason for the madman to stand there waiting for him. He just had to find out…

The Joker slowly turned in a circle, scanning the dimly lit alley for signs of live, for signs of his Bat. The perfect moment to make an entrance. Launching himself off the rooftop like he’d done a thousand times before, Batman jumped down to the alley below, timing perfect to land right behind the Joker as the clown completed his little circle. He landed almost silently, but still loud enough to alert the madman to his presence.

The Joker whirled around, laughter bubbling from the scarred mouth as he spotted Batman. Bruce wasn’t pleased to note that the clown’s dangerous hands were still stuck deeply into his pockets.

“What are you up to, Joker?” he growled, taking a menacing step towards the clown. Too bad the Joker didn’t falter or step backwards, but only copied the move and stepped forward himself, effectively closing the distance between them.

“What kind of welcome is that, Batman?” he almost purred, licking his scarred lips and slipping one knife-clutching hand from the confines of his purple coat. Bruce balled his fists to resist grabbing the Joker by the throat and choking the life out of him. Instead, he contented himself with just slamming one of them into the Joker’s smiling face. The clown’s head snapped back with a satisfying crunch and he staggered back a pace, again creating some space between them. The streetlight at the entrance of the alley cast eerie shadows of the Bat and his enemy on the walls surrounding them. A little bit of blood trickled down the Joker’s lip, nervous tongue dashing out to lick it away.

“Oh you, you’re always so rude…You don’t care that I have a present for you!” The Joker slurred, absently wiping at his mouth with a purple sleeve, while the other hand was still fishing around inside his pocket.

“What are you talking about!” Batman growled, again approaching the Joker, but stopping as the clown’s gloved hand pulled something from his pocket. Narrowing his eyes, Bruce stared at the small object lying in the palm of the Joker’s hand. It seemed to be a dice?

"You see ah, Batsy, our friend Harvey Dent gave me an idea... Aha ha ha, see, I never get a chance, you always, always start with the head! I don’t like that!” The clown snorted with laughter, clever tongue licking at the corners of his mouth.

“So, I came up with this!” He threw the object in the air, spinning, flying between them, and Batman caught it in one hand before he could think about it. Opening his hand, he stared at the small cube of plastic in his hand. Eyes flicking back towards the Joker told him his enemy hadn’t moved, but instead appeared to be waiting, smug smile on his face, for Batman’s reaction. The elongated shadows on the dirty wall behind them both stayed still as Bruce examined the object in his hand. It indeed was a dice, but not an ordinary one.  
It had six sides, three of which were a dark grey and sported his symbol, the other three sides were white and had a sickly red smile and two crudely drawn black circles on them.

Three sides for the Joker, three sides for Batman…

“What’s the meaning of this?!” His scowl deepened, eyes fixed on the Joker, who shrugged nonchalantly, shadowJoker behind him copying his movements perfectly.

“Chance, Batsy, chance! See, this evens the odds a little! Bat, you get the first punch, Joker, I get the first punch, ha aha ha hee hee hee!”

It was the first time Batman ever sighed. The depths of the Joker’s insanity never ceased to amaze him… Deciding the humor the clown, he let the dice roll of his hand and onto the dirty pavement. It rolled for a bit and then stopped, Bat-side up.

The Joker’s green eyes followed the dice as it rolled from the Bat’s hands an onto the ground, staying on it as it came to a halt Bat-side up. His giggles turned into laughter, and soon the clown had his arms wrapped around his stomach and was laughing so hard tears were shining in his eyes. He had trouble staying on his feet, staggering to one off the walls to lean against as his slight frame was wrecked with hysterical laughter. It was absolutely no trouble for Batman to overpower him, a simple fist to the side of the head did the trick.

With the Joker out cold and crumpled to the floor, safely secured with Batcuffs, Batman bent down to pick the little cube of plastic off the ground. It felt odd in his hand, a little heavy for such a small thing… He took another look at it, then closed his fist around it and carefully tucked it away in his utility belt, although he wasn’t entirely sure why he should keep it anyway…

Maybe the dice was leaded, so the Batman-side would come up every time?


End file.
